Day 13: Coming Home

Once upon a time there was a woman and a man who wanted very much to be parents. They had many friends who loved them, but they were still lonely because they had no child to share their life. So after waiting a long time, one day they called an adoption agency and told the person on the phone they wanted to adopt the best baby in the whole world. “We have the best baby in the whole world,” said the person on the phone, “but she’s very far away. She’s in a beautiful place across the ocean, called China, but it takes a long time to get there.”

“It doesn’t matter,” said the woman and the man, who were suddenly very excited and afraid all at the same time. “If that is where the best baby in the world is, then we will go there.”

So the woman and the man who wanted to be a mother and a father got on an airplane, and then on another airplane, and after a very long time traveling, they came at last to the place called China. And there, the very nice people who had been taking care of the best baby in the world gave her to the woman and the man. The nice people asked if the man and the woman would promise to love and care for her, because she is the best baby in the world. The nice people explained that even though she was the best baby in the whole world, her first mommy was not able to take the care of her. And because she loved her baby so much she decided to let other nice people be her mommy and daddy.

The woman and the man promised they would always and forever love and care for the baby. They saw that she was the best baby in the whole world.

All that night, and for many days and nights to follow, the woman and the man who had finally become a mother and a father sat and stared at their beautiful new baby girl. The mother woke up every 15 minutes to make sure the baby was breathing. The father carried her everywhere they went, no matter how heavy she felt and sore his muscles got. They both marveled that she already had four teeth. They named the baby Keira Chengye Lane.

After several days, many papers were signed , and the baby’s adoption was finally official. Then, it was time for the new mother and father and their baby Keira to leave the place called China, and all the nice people that had cared for her, to return to California and begin their life there together.

And so they all began the long journey from China to California, with baby Keira snuggled deep in her new mother’s arms. Although there were many people on the airplanes and in the airports, and much commotion with all the suitcases and official papers, the baby slept peacefully for the whole trip. And then, when they finally arrived in San Jose, California, Keira began to smile and babble and kick her feet. And her mother and father knew that all the years and months of waiting had been worth this one special moment.

And as they came slowly down the ramp from the plane to all their waiting family and friends, the new father kissed Keira gently on the forehead and whispered softly, “Come on, Keira, we’re finally home.”

Adapted from International Adoption, Jean Knoll, Mary-Kate Murphy, 1993

Day 12: Leaving China

We're checking out from the hotel in an hour, at 5:00 p.m., so this is the last blog entry from China. All of last night and all of today has been about how to get 5 suitcases of stuff into three suitcases. We're also toting a car/airplane seat and a baby backpack/carrier (which I needn't have brought, as it turns out).

Now that we are leaving, and as excited as we are to be heading home, I'm suddenly feel a weird and uneasy about the fact that we are taking Keira away from her homeland. She was born in the south of China, to a Chinese mother and a Chinese father in a Chinese city. Yet, it will be a long, long time before she understands anything about her birth country. In a way I think I'm grieving for her - the loss of a family, loss of a culture, loss of a country. I've always known I am "American by birth." Keira can't say that. In the future, even "Chinese by birth" won't seem right either. Within a year of being born she was taken away and made American. All the books I've read about adoption talk about the conflicted feelings the child will have as she grows. I haven't read anything about the uncomfortable feelings the parents may have. I don't mean feelings of regret or guilt; that's not it at all. It's something different. It has to do with making the best out of a bad situation. Keira will have a wonderful life; certainly better than she could have ever dreamed had she stayed in the orphanage and never been adopted; probably better than even if her birth mother and family had been able to keep her. But no matter how joyous the adoption story, every single one begins with a tragedy. Perhaps what I am feeling is that underlying note that will always be there, the sadness of how the story began, why she needed us to come all the way from America to get her. In some way I'm feeling the loss of family, country, culture myself; I'm feeling it for her.

Day 11: Last Official Activities

Officially, we're done. This afternoon we went to the U.S. Consulate to get Keira's visa to enter the States and to take the oath (promising that all the information we've supplied throughout the process is true). When we arrive in Los Angeles we have to go through the "Foreigners" line at customs. But, as soon as we pass through that check-point Keira will be a U.S. citizen!

Before going to the consulate, I went to Qingping (ching-ping) market, one of China's largest and most famous old style markets. It was only about a 1/2 mile walk from our hotel. Kelsey and Keira stayed at the hotel. According to the guidebook Qingping has "medicines, spices, vegetables, dried seafood, grains, fish, meat and live animals, including cats, dogs, and endangered species." It covers several square blocks with dozens of tiny (4 feet wide) alleys in-between. I was a little nervous, but pressed on for the adventure.

The first thing I saw was a man laying out on the wide sidewalk two 5x5 ft tarps covered with sea horses to dry in the sun (that is, to dry in the pollution hazy daylight). The next thing I noticed was that there was not a single Caucasian anywhere. I walked around for an hour completely immersed in a true Chinese cultural experience. None of this was put on for the tourists. See more pics at pbase (http://www.pbase.com/blane9393/bringing_home_keira)

Since we're done I called the airlines and changed our flight to one day earlier. YAY! We're going home on Friday, December 29th.

We have a booty problem - we have more booty from our shopping trips than will fit in the bags. We've been loading up shopping bags with left over supplies to leave in the playroom as free. Things like extra diapers, unopened juice boxes, some clothes that don't fit, etc. Trying to make room in the suitcases. It's a challenge.

Day 10: Lazy and Lonely

Wednesday, Dec. 27th. Nothing to do today. We're both feeling a little lonely and ready to go home. Today we just laid around the room, watched a movie, played pool in the game room

On our way back down the street from the Thai restaurant, some American woman stopped us on the street and started talking to us like we're old friends. "Oh, wow, how are you all doing? I haven't had a chance to see your baby yet. Oh, she's darling...." Kelsey: "Who was that?" Bob: "I have no idea." The baby adoption sub-culture here is surreal.

We were warned to haggle and bargain at all the shops. We've gotten pretty good at it. But, wow! It is so exhausting to shop. You spend time shopping the whole store and take your items to the shop keeper then start the haggling, over everything. It can take another 15 or 20 minutes. When you finally get it for just over half of their starting price, you still feel you paid twice what any self-respecting Chinese would have paid. (Actually, most of the stuff for sale around the hotel no self-respecting Chinese would buy at any price.)

Yesterday at the clinic I realized for the first time that I really am Keira's father. All of the documents we've been filling out for nearly two years have said things like "Parents Unknown" "Place of Birth Unknown," "Father Unknown." At the clinic there was another form which asked about father's name and place of birth. I left it blank. When Amy was reviewing the form she pointed out that I missed a section. I told her "Father is unknown." She looked at me and said, "No, you're the father!" I hit me. Wow.

Day 9: A-OK from the Doctor

Big activity of the day was a visit to the doctor for a medical check-up (a US visa requirement). It took only 20 minutes. They checked height and weight (74 cm, 10 kg), eyes-ears-nose-throat, and a quick check with a stethoscope. Keira got the thumbs-up.

Then, the three of us took a taxi on our own to a local Wal-Mart style store that also included a full grocery store. When we travel internationally this is as good as a museum for us. We wander the aisles looking at what the locals buy and for how much. Without Amy to translate I got to use my phrase book to find the food section. Rather than try to pronounce the words, I just pointed. It worked.

After carrying her in the hip-hammock for about 20 minutes in the store, I decided to try putting her in the shopping cart. She was great in it. She sat up, didn't fuss and looked all around, seeming to enjoy the adventure. Of course we got lots of stares. We had been told to expect it.

What I didn't expect was to find they drive their shopping carts like their cars. People darting here and there at any angle. One woman in her 60s or 70s exercised her right-of-way as an elder and just cut me off with disdain. Oh well, when in Guangzhou...

Day 8: Liwan Plaza for Christmas

This was probably the most different Christmas I have ever spent in my life. No Christmas tree (not counting the 20 to 30 downstairs in the hotel); no gifts to unwrap; no turkey and stuffing. Obviously the greatest gift we've ever gotten came six days before Christmas this year. The 25th just seemed like the next day in the life of loving Keira.

We did do a few things...actually one really big thing. Robin and kids joined us and we all hopped in a taxi cab for our first unchaperoned outing. Amy had been very reluctant to tell us how to get back to the shopping mall where the DVDs were. But we kept insisting and finally she wrote it down in Chinese for us to show the cab driver. He knew instantly where we wanted to go. It was about a 10-minute drive and cost around $2.00 for the six of us.

When the cabbie pulled over to let us out, a beggar (these guys are way too poor to even qualify as pan-handlers) opened the taxi door for me. I don't usually give money to street beggars, but I do pay for service rendered, so I put a couple of yuan in his cup (about 25-cents). Instantly three or four more were crowding around us all, shoving their cups at us. As I walked away one even tugged a bit on my arm.

Ever since we arrived I kept wondering where all the 1-billion Chinese are hiding. I mean, Guangzhou seemed populated like any big city. Well, on Christmas day a sizable percentage of that 1-billion were at the Liwan Plaza shopping plaza.

Highlights: Kelsey and Robin spent 40 minutes in the first store they found. We saw kids in the "split pants" (crotchless pants with no diapers; just hold the kid over the street when it's time to go). Kelsey and I found a small tea shop on a side street and tasted like pros having been taught proper tea tasting etiquette on Saturday. Loaded up on more $2 DVDs including the entire Baby Einstein 19-DVD for $32.

Hailing a cab was a feat. The competition was fierce and there was no queue. Newcomers would step in front of you and take your cab without even looking back at you. Finally, Robin secured on for us. The beggars swooped in again. This time I refused to give in. They were so aggressive, even pushing their cups into the open door of the cab. As we finally settled into the cab, I didn't notice on man's cup was still in the arc of the door and as I pulled it closed I'm afraid I heard change being knocked out of his hand.

Christmas dinner was take-out food (I almost said "take out Chinese") from Lucy's. Keira was fussy and wouldn't fall asleep, even when I walked the halls with her. In the room, she watched part of the movie Cars with me until I could tell she was ready to sleep.

Day 7: "It's Merry Christmas"

The evenings of December 23rd and Christmas Eve found the hotel and the surrounding streets overwhelmed with local Chinese. A festival feeling was in the air, complete with street vendors selling glow-sticks and other junk. The first night was daunting, and the 24th was double the people. I figured the White Swan must be having some sort of Christmas banquet or something. In fact, I had seen a sign announcing "Christmas Fair" earlier in the day. It was nuts.

On Christmas Eve we had gone to Lucy's for dinner, but they were not serving the regular menu mix of stir-fry, French fries, hamburgers, burritos and wonton soup. Instead, it was only a special Christmas turkey menu. Not believing that we couldn't get Chinese food in China we left and returned to the "Chinese" restaurant in the hotel. (Several of the Americans here refer to this restaurant as "the Chinese food restaurant." I explain to them that here it's just called "food." Most don't get my point. Crazy Americans.)

We did get great Kung Pao chicken and beef with mushrooms. The table was all decorated for Christmas with a red candle, ribbon criss-crossing the table and a blinking Santa lapel pin on our napkins. We also noticed the crowds beginning to swell. It took a little longer to get the elevator back to our room, but not too challenging yet. It was still only 5:30 p.m.

About two hours later Robin came over to our room and asked, "Have you been down stairs? It's insane!" She asked if I would go down and take some video with her camera. "Absolutely."

When the doors to the elevator opened on the first floor all I saw was a rush of people flowing past the elevators into the hotel. The only option was to join the flow and head the same direction. White man with a camera going against the flow didn't seem a good idea. Anyway, my goal was to see what was all the fuss.

Soon I was part of the human deluge all heading toward some inevitable destination. As we wound past the main public areas of the hotel, revelers would peel off to take pictures with the decorated Christmas trees and other decorations throughout. On the way toward the back lawn there was a Christmas buffet selling French fries and hotdogs...a "yule dog," if you will. I stuck with the crowd and soon discovered purpose to which the masses were committed. Out on the lawn, by the swimming pool was set up a small Santa's Village. And who do you supposed was the main attraction, but old Saint Nick himself. He looked a little under weight by my estimations and decidedly more Asian then I'm used to seeing. But, I've always know that Father Christmas appears local in every boy and girls home. The line for a visit and a picture with Santa was longer and thicker than any I've ever seen at any American mall.

Having gotten my fill of the craziness and enough video footage I headed back upstairs. Upon showing my room keycard, I was allowed to return via the service corridor rather than follow the one-way flow of people the long way around to the front of the hotel. On the way I asked one of the young hotel attendants, "What's going on? What is all this about?" He explained it all to me. "It's Merry Christmas."

Day 6: Tourist Attractions

No adoption activity today either. But, our guide planned a big day of tourist activities for us and the Stewarts (Robin, Zoe and Poppy).

We started out at the Six Banyan Tree Buddhist Temple. In addition to being interesting from an historical and architectural perspective, it is also an active temple. While we where there they had a "service" which started with a couple of hundred monks and followers chanting as they walked through the temple grounds single file into a main gathering building.

In the hall of the three giant Buddhas (about 15 ft tall) Amy talked to the master who agreed to do a blessing on us and the babies. And even though it is not our faith and tradition, we felt it was a special cultural opportunity and a way to honor her birth culture. This was most confidently not a tourist blessing, because a couple of local women also got in the act and had the master bless several jade pendants during the same ceremony.

We went around the wooden gate and knelt in front of the Buddhas. The master quietly chanted a few lines then sprinkled water from a leaf onto each of our heads. We bowed and that was it.

Next we went to a fancy Tea House where we had a tea-tasting, much like wine tasting in Napa. The hostesses and our guide explained the different types of tea and different qualities. As you can imagine, Kelsey was in paradise and I knew this visit would set us back a bit financially. Outside the tea house we walked through the Bonsai Garden.

We had lunch at Hong Xing Seafood restaurant where Amy had reserved a private dining room for our group. Entering the restaurant we ordered lunch from the many tanks of live fish and sea creatures as well as glass cases of other dishes. Then went up to the private room, complete with private restroom attached.

The only disappointment of the day was the Trade Fair Market. Amy had touted it as a good place to get good Chinese arts and crafts, jade and porcelain. We bought some things and then found nearly everything for 1/4th the price outside our hotel. I think Amy gets a commission for bringing people there, so I don't mind too much.

I went to the gym for the first time in three weeks in my ongoing preparations for the Tour of Anchorage in March. It's hard to believe I signed up for that now that Keira is with us. But, a commitment is a commitment. "Tally-Ho!"

We decided to give Keira a bath which went off without much excitement. She was not fussy about it at all.

On our way to dinner we took our clothes to Dong and his wife. They own one of the teeny, tiny shops outside the hotel (see yesterday's blog). Dong, like all the shopkeepers will do your laundry. So we dropped ours off with him.

Saw lots police on the streets tonight; then noticed many, many more locals in and around the hotel. When we came back in from dinner the hotel was PACKED with people. There had been some sort of Christmas Banquet or Fair or something in the hotel. By the number of people on the street and in the hotel I'd guess a couple of thousand people were there for it. Locals in the hotel were taking pictures with their kids by the Christmas decorations - very cute.

Day 5: Friday - Free Day

Today we had no official visits for the adoption, so it was a free day.

Started out street shopping near the hotel. As we had been told, there is quite the baby commerce district right around the hotel. There are probably 20 or so shops of all sizes lining the 2-3 blocks in each direction. Our favorite shop keeper is Dong and his wife "Susan" at "Susan's Place. Their store is tiny; not much bigger than a kiosk at an American shopping mall.


We bargain hard with Dong and usually get him down to about 60% of his initial asking price on most things. In some ways I feel bad because the prices are already low ($3 for a pair of baby shoes) and they are obviously not making huge money - at least by US standards. Nevertheless, we are told bargaining is the norm and if we don't we'll definitely overpay.

Other shops are larger, more like small stores in the States, and a few have lots of floor space but have 7 foot ceilings and 5 foot archways between rooms in the shop.



One item selling like hotcakes here are the squeaky shoes. They come in all baby sizes and colors and have squeakers in the heel so you know when she's coming. We have already bought about 9 pairs for about 25 yuan each ($3.25).


We had intended on going to some other places as well, but Keira got really sick. She has a bad, congested cough and her nose is running like a faucet. So we took it easy the rest of the day. At night we gave her drugs for the first time. Infant Benadryl; worked like a charm. :-)

Day 4: Guangzhou's Finest French Restaurant - Table for Three

Passport at the Police Station
The big adoption event of the day was to visit the police station to apply for Keira's Chinese passport. But, first we stopped by the registration office to pick up some paperwork. Kelsey, Keira and I waited in the van with the driver and Robin, Zoe and Poppy while Amy went inside. (Robin is a "single" mom from Sepastapol who adopted Zoe 11 years ago and came back to get 3 yr old Poppy this time. We are the only two families in our group with Amy.)

Also arriving at the registration office was two full bus loads of parents and guides on the same mission. For some reason, their guides had all of the parents go inside the office rather than wait in the bus. After a long delay Amy came out to tell us that there was an important meeting going on inside and everyone had to wait. And, also, the person we need to see at the police station was also in the meeting, so there is no point in going to the station.

Finally, Amy came running back outside, jumped in the van and told the driver to "Go." The meeting had ended and she wanted to be first at the police station! We were off into the Guangzhou traffic.

We were indeed first at the station and got our number in queue. About 10 minutes later the other 50 parents flooded into the waiting room. We are so thankful to have Amy as our guide; she rocks. We and Robin went first and were out of the police station in about 20 minutes. Had we not beat the buses we may have been there two hours!

Fine French Dining
We have always said that when we have children we intend to continue to do the things in life to which we have become accustomed. Those that know us well know that dining at fine restaurants is not uncommon for us. We unintentionally introduced Keira to the lifestyle two days after getting her.

Robin had told us of this great restaurant in the hotel where she, Zoe and Poppy had eaten Tuesday night. She had the cod "to die for." Her directions how to get to the restaurant were very specific and having walked around the hotel with Keira the night before I knew exactly where she was describing. So, Kelsey and I decided to go tonight. I was in my jeans and a pullover; Kelsey in a fancy jogging suit ensemble. And, we had the baby.

Outside the entrance we looked at the menu. The prices were a little higher than we expected, but Robin did say they spent about $50 for the three of them. Also, there was a cod dish on the menu, although it wasn't described exactly as Robin had. Probably just a different perspective on the dish. We entered.

It was dimly lit and had only a couple of tables filled with diners. Of course, in the whole restaurant, we were seated next to a young couple obviously on a romantic date.

I asked for a high chair and they readily agreed. When it seemed delayed in coming we were told they had to go out to the breakfast cafe at the other end of the hotel to get one.

The setting was white table cloth, taper candle and sterling salt & pepper. Individual pats of butter in the shape of rose petals graced each place setting. We began to figure out that this was decidedly NOT where the Stewarts had eaten. But, we were excited and determined to press on.

The good news is that Keira was very well behaved. She "talked" a bunch, but no loud outbursts. However, between the soup and the entrees that certain aroma wafted my way from her direction. I grabbed the diaper bag and headed outside (no place to make a change in the bathroom). Around the corner near the outdoor pool I found an abandoned buffet and drink station. I went behind the counter and sat us both on the ground. I won't go into details, but this was my first #2 diaper and it was messy.

After cleaning everything up and finding a bathroom for me to wash up, we went back to join mommy. The rest of the meal was relatively uneventful, but we could tell Keira was getting a little restless after about an hour there. Now, we understand other parents who talk about how everything is fine, and then suddenly, "We need to go."

This was the point in the meal that the wait staff (all four who had served at our table) went into slow motion. We asked for the bill, they brought us complementary dessert. I reached for the unfinished bottle of wine and they whisked it away, bringing it back five minutes later in a special Silk Road Grill bag. Ten more minutes passed before the final bill came. We paid the check (an amount in alignment with fine French cuisine) and headed back to the room.

In the room, Kelsey pulled out the hotel services guide to read about the restaurant. "The Silk Road Grill is Guangzhou's finest French restaurant." Of course it is; nothing but the best for Princess Keira.

Our First Scare as Parents

Last night was difficult. Keira hadn't been taking the bottle. She'll eat the rice cereal, but no formula from the bottle. We've been worried about her getting dehydrated. Then, around 9:00 tonight, she started fussing, then wailing at the top of her lungs - the hard, ear piercing, unconsolable wail. She would only stop if we held her tight. Start to set her down and the wailing came back; pick her up and it stopped instantly. Worked like a switch.

We were so worried. Bob, who never worries and was on his way out the door to the hotel clinic when his sister, Shelly, called (tipped off by Grammy). Shelly has an 8 month old and was a wealth of information and help. It was like having an advise nurse on the line.

Shelly helped us determine that Keira was not dehydrated. So, we figured that although the first night was peaceful, Keira was probably finally having some separation emotions on the second night and just wanted to feel safe and secure.

So, at about 9:30 Bob put her in the hip harness and walked around the hotel for an hour. Keira fell fast asleep and slept through the night. This morning she was just fine. Ate the rice cereal and drank the bottle. Only minor complaining when we put her down to sleep tonight.

China Day 3: Help! Baby poops and she is hungry but we don't know what to feed her!

First off, if you want to see photos of Keira and all the Guanzhao fun, go to the following link: http://www.pbase.com/blane9393/bringing_home_keira

Oh goodness, are we having fun or what! Keira slept all through the night, Bob slept all through the night, and Kelsey woke up every 15 minutes to make sure Keira was breathing. Whew! After we woke up, we started working on the fundamentals--pee pee diaper, changing clothes, having some formula, etc. We went to breakfast as a family and she sat in the high chair and played with a little plastic toy. At one point during the meal, I saw one tear fall down her cheek. Heartbreaking! Soon, I found out why--while we were exchanging traveler's checks, I smelled the wafting aroma of the real stuff. Having babysat many many times, I was not to be daunted, but I have to say, it was the worst poopy diaper in my history--the kind that oozes out of the top of the diaper and gets all over the back of baby's shirt. And we were already late for our official adoption appointment where we would finalize the papers. I had my crisis in the bathroom and did a good amount of damage control, and then Bob and I ran through the hotel like 007 to change her clothes and get back outside to hop in the awaiting van. Important lesson #1: ALWAYS take a change of extra clothes in the diaper bag.

We were both very emotional at our appointment, knowing the sacredness of her officially becoming our daughter today. She slept in our arms for much of the morning. We can tell she is hungry, and she did suck down a whole bottle last night, but she is resisting bottles today. We have missed several of her normal feeding times (she wouldn't take the bottle). Amy even went to the store to buy Keira's brand of formula that she had at the orphanage. What to do? What to do? This afternoon, we mixed up some rice cereal and she ate a full portion. Finally, we have a match, but she hasn't eaten near what the orphanage said she typically does. Like all things, I am sure we will figure this out along with all kinds of other parental responsibilites. We are having a GREAT time!!! She is napping right now so we could get caught up on our blogging and photos. What a precious little sweetheart :-)

China, Day 2: Gotcha!

When we arrived at the Adoption Registry Center we were taken into a medium sized room with several couches around the walls and told to "wait here, we will bring your babies in one at a time." At first there were only Kelsey and me and Robin and her 11-yr old, Zoe. We thought it would turn out to be a semi-intimate meeting with our babies. But then the room filled with a bus load of other adopting parents - about 15 more couples. So much for a quite, intimate meeting.

Kelsey was excited and I just kept getting more and more nervous. I guess like many parents of new babies, newborn or adopted, I began to worry about all the little things. Will she be healthy, is she as cute as her pictures, will they give us the right baby, will she like me, will she be crying.

Even though we were the first in the room, for some reason the bus load got their babies first. The adoption guide for the bus load came to the door and called the first couple. "Paul and Linda Johnson." A dozen cameras turned and the crowd pressed toward the door as Paul and Linda tentatively moved toward the door. Their baby was brought in to lots of "Oohhs and Aahhhs." I don't remember any of the couples breaking down and sobbing, but most were visibly moved and a bit shaken by the moment.


After the bus load, Robin's 3-yr old was brought in. That was a completely different experience. Poppy (as she has been renamed) is walking, talking and quite active. When she realized that the woman from the orphanage was leaving and she was not going with her she wailed and wailed. It was like that for hours. (BTW, Poppy has quickly adjusted by day 4 and is having a great time with Robin and Zoe.)

Finally, it was our time. I was video taping for Robin when I realized they called our name. A baby appeared in the doorway and Kelsey and I both thought, "Hmm, she looks a little different than we expected." Then there was another baby behind her and we both instantly knew the second baby was Keira. The agent handed the baby to Kelsey and we both marveled at how much more beautiful and cute Keira is than we saw in her referral pictures.

Like many of the couples, Kelsey and I were not overly emotional with tears and all that. The director from the orphanage was there and we wanted to ask questions about little Jiang, Cheng-Ye. Did she have a special nanny at the orphanage? (Yes.) Does she say any words yet? Does she understand any? It was also a little surreal - they hand you a 10-month old and she is yours.

What were our feelings? I remember my mom telling me that when I was born the first thing she did was count my toes. I knew I didn't need to count toes, they would have said something in the medical report. But I was checking her out. I was still afraid something would be wrong. What amazed me and took away my breath was how beautiful and cute she was. The pictures we were sent were good, but she is far more beautiful in person. That's the thought and feeling I remember most - that she is more beautiful than I hoped.

China, Day 2: Shopping in the Morning

She is perfect.

We had a long day waiting to get Keira at 4:00 today. The good thing is that we had lots to occupy our attention before getting her. So we didn't have too much time to get anxious or otherwise freaked-out.

The day started of on a great note when I found in my email the fax from USCIS, officer Wu which confirmed that our fingerprints taken last Thursday have already been processed and we have FBI clearance! The fingerprint saga is over!

Breakfast at the White Swan: There are hundreds of items to choose from. Just to give you an idea--there is a fruit juice bar, a fresh fruit bar, cereal bar, and yogurt section. A chef prepares made to order omelettes next to the stacks of steamed dim sum bamboo towers. Our favorite are the shrimp dumplings in rice wrappers. We even learned how to say soy sauce, but it doesn't work every time due to the intonation: "jiang you." Quick breads, pastries, cured meats, caviar, smoked salmon PLUS sausages, noodles (Megan would be in heaven), etc etc AND IT COMES WITH THE PRICE OF OUR ROOM so we have breakfast coupons. We have been eating overlooking the Pearl River...just gorgeous. Do we have to go home? Can't we just live at the White Swan?

SPEAKING OF LIVING AT THE WHITE SWAN: Our room is very tiny, BUT we have set it up into "rooms." We are referring to it as "camping at the 5-star hotel." We have been told not to drink the water, so we have designated cups for teeth brushing using only bottled water, and the like. We have a thermos that boils water almost instantaneously and we use that for tea, coffee, baby formula (cooled down), dehydrated foods, and much more. Today we "washed" all our dishes in a tub that Kelsey bought for 3 yuan or the US equivalent of 40 cents. Most of that happens in the "kitchen" which is a granite countertop style cabinet unit that has a small refrigerator under it. The desk is the office--where all the photo uploading takes place. We also have the baby's room which is the crib with toys and blankies. The pantry is a small end table with non perishable food items that our friend Rebecca lovingly purchased for our trip. We started off on the right track, getting all documents and monies in the safe, all baby supplies together, and all medicines together. All seems to be operating smoothly so far, with us having fun figuring out what to do with all the baby supplies that we packed on blind faith that there would be a reason we would need them all.

Shopping for Pearls: Amy took us to the "walking street" and "Open market," a famous area in Guangzhao where you can look for underpriced goods in one half of the building and in the other, beautiful pearls (this area is known for its fresh and sea water pearls), and wholesale beads.

In the section of less expensive goods, we made out like pirates (no pun intended) where we found 5 DVD's for the equivalent of $2 each. Yes, we tried them in the player and they work. Kelsey also had the surreal experience of finding a Chinese copy/knock-off of a Louis Vuitton bag that she has been wanting for ages. It is a denim handbag that typically runs $1500 (not in the family budget!) but we found it for $38 US dollars equivalent (now that is more like it!!).

One more diversion before going to get our little daughter--Amy asked if we wanted to have Thai food, so we lunched at the Cow Bridge Restaurant. It was fantastic! A feast of curries, tom ka gai soup, fresh sauteed vegetables, rice, clay pot--we will be going there many more times. It is two blocks from the hotel.

OK, now it is starting to get more real...back to the hotel to pack up a few items for taking to the registration office. Yikes!

On the way to get Keira I finally got nervous. So much so, that by the time we were waiting in the receiving room Kelsey and Amy said I looked pale.

China, Day 1: Fingerprints, Part Deux

We are here. It's hard to believe we are really in China. Harder still to grasp that we will be parents tomorrow. The hotel room is small but very nice. We totally moved in and set up shop for the next two weeks. We've got our kitchen area (mini-bar/mini-fridge), pantry (end table filled with noperishables), office/computer spot (desk and internet connection), and baby's room (hotel supplied crib and blankets).

Fingerprints
The fingerprint saga continues. Our in-country adoption agent and guide, "Amy,"” took us to the US consulate to have yet another set of fingerprints done. This time it was old school. Whereas all the fingerprints I'’ve had done in the last several years in the States were on a computer terminal, the method hearkenedkened back to gum shoe days. Heavy black, black ink still stains my fingertips. Now, guess where they are headed...FedEx right back to the States to be processed against the FBI database. We should know next Monday if they are OK. In the meantime, we hope the prints we took in San Jose on Thursday will be given the thumbs-up by Wednesday, making the Dick Tracy prints a waste of time, and ink.

Tonight Kelsey and I might go out to an elegant Cantonese seafood restaurant for our last date as a childless couple. Funny thing is that as sentimental as we both can be and as stuck in our ways as we'’ve become neither of us is very concerned about putting that part of our life behind us. We're terrified in some respects, but not too worried about life being different.

....Evening update - didn't make it to the elegant seafood restaurant. Too tired and still not feeling 100% physically. Went to a "western" restaurant near the hotel. See "Spring Chicken" below.

More highlights from Day 1
At the airport we were met by Amy who also picked up a single mother, Robin and her 11-year old adopted daughter, Zoe. After adopting Zoe eleven years ago, Robin is adopting a 3 1/2 year old. Driving from the airport to our hotel, Amy gave us a brief History of Guangzhou. She is quite energetic and knowledgeable. She is tickled any time we already know something about China. For instance, when she asked if we knew the three ancient trading goods China was famous for we came up with them: Silk, Porcelain, & Tea.

In the chaos of Guangzhou traffic (during which we often questioned if Keira would be twice orphaned) Amy shared the following Chinese saying:

"When you go to Beijing you see walls, the Great Wall and this Wall and that Wall; in Shanghai all you see are the tops of heads (because it's so crowded); and in Guangzhou you see cars."

One day in Guangzhou and we understand the expression all too well.

Our Daily Water Requirement
The bottled water we found in the 7-11 (yes, 7-11) has the following: "Watson's Water is the ideal drink to replenish our daily water requirement." I wonder if the use of "our" rather than "your" is due to the Asian culture group-think (as is often observed in Japan), or if it is related to the Communist focus on the people, not the person. Just wondering.

No Spring Chicken
We wandered around Shamian Island where our hotel is for about 20 minutes looking for a place to eat. As we reviewed the menu at one restaurant we considered stopping for the Salmon Head & Intestinal Fat. But decided to move along to something a little closer to the comfort zone (closer being a relative term).

We ended up at Station One, said to be a Western restaurant. In addition to several steak dishes, they still have plenty of Asian fare. Kelsey's mushroom soup came out room temp. The waitress was embarrassed and apologized greatly. After a trip to the microwave it came out just better than luke warm. She would have nuked it again, but Kelsey decided she could tolerate it. To make up for it we were given a coupon for our next visit. "Spend 60 yaun and you will get a free whole spring chicken." Coupon includes a photo of the roasted fowl. "Just bring in this coupon when you spend 60 yuan and exchange it for the chicken." Oh, no way. I wouldn't exchange this coupon for anything. This is the first memorabilia for Keira's "Gotcha" scrap book.

Tomorrow we are probably eating at a Thai restaurant called "Cow Bridge." It really near the hotel. Amy recommended it. On the up-side it comes with Amy's endorsement and there were tons of Americans with babies in there when we walked by tonight. On the down side, there wasn't a single local eating there. Hmmm.....

Full Access Internet in Communist China
Perhaps it's different for the average citizen at an internet cafe or at home. But, for us at the White Swan I seem to have unrestricted access to the world wide web. Tonight Kelsey and I were wanting to listen to some contemporary Christian praise music to put us in the right frame of mind for tomorrow. But, I didn't have any on my laptop nor any CDs with me. So, I popped open iTunes and downloaded a whole album by Phillips, Craig and Dean - songs we regularly sing in church. Here, in communist China! Some things are stranger than I expected here in so many different ways.

Fingerprint Trouble

Did I mention our fingerprints are expired? You might think the idiotic things the government is accused of are often exaggerated. This is no joke...they sent us an approval for adopting from China which was good for 18 months. This approval is what is set to expire on 1/5/07 - hence our scramble to get in and out by the end of the year. The crazy part is that the same approval letter also included an FBI fingerprint clearance. In small type under the adoption approval is the notice that our FBI clearance was good for only 15 months. It expired in September. Normally people are home before either expire, so it's no issue. We are going in that 3-month window between expirations.

It's really a problem. They will not let us back into the U.S. with Keira without a renewed FBI clearance (fingerprints). No one told us our prints had expired until we got the referral notice around 11/30. Since then our agency has been trying to contact the USCIS (formerly INS) to get an urgent, rush appointment for fingerprints. Everyone was telling us that all we need to do is have our prints taken.

At our meeting with Xiaoqing Saturday, she said we could have them taken in Guangzhou, as a last resort. In any case, try to have them done here before you go, was her message to us. Andrea, our adoption agency director, finally spoke with Officer Erfan at USCIS who said to make a regular appointment online.
Booked appt for Monday - cancelled it because we didn't have details; rescheduled for Friday.
On Tuesday I told Xiaoqing we didn't go Monday, we are going Friday. She was very upset and concerned. "Why didn't you go yesterday? Friday is only one day before you leave. Can you try to go earlier?"

So I made an appointment for today, Thursday; there were no appointments for Wednesday.

This morning we arrived at the CIS office in San Jose. The first woman we spoke to just looked at us dumb and asked why we were there. When I explained that we need fingerprints for an adoption and we are leaving for China on Saturday she began to explain that what we need to do was mail in a request for a fingerprint appointment and they will send us an appointment letter. To which I began to strongly re-emphasize the "leaving on Saturday for China" part of my previous comment. At which point, the mother-to-be stepped in and diplomatically explained the whole thing, carefully and respectfully.

A supervisor overheard and asked a couple of questions. He understood what was going on and asked us who we spoke to, who our agency is, what both our names are and told us to have a seat.

We waited maybe 20 minutes. He came out with a referral letter to "go upstairs to room 219, window #2." We felt like we had said the magic words and a secret and mysterious door was just opened to us.

We went up the stairs, around a corner to room 219. Room 219 is cavernous, fluorescent lit room, with perhaps 50 or 60 chairs set up all facing two windows at one end. There was not a soul in the room. It was disturbingly silent. Window #1 and window #2 were both closed; no one was at either station. They were both made of mirrored glass through which we could see nothing. The holes in the glass through which one might talk were covered over with paper, from the inside. Nothing stirred on either side of the glass.

There was a six inch high opening at the bottom of window 2 along with a in-box tray. A sign on the window said, "Place your appointment sheet in the tray and have a seat."

"You've got to be kidding me." We just spent an hour getting our hands on this coveted ticket to Room 219; I'm not just dropping it into a slot, to be taken to that great government filing room where documents check in but they never check out.

So we sat, ticket in hand. Maybe the people downstairs are telling the keepers of Room 219 that they have visitors. Let's wait.

Kelsey and I alternated between laughing at the absurd cliche our morning at the CIS had already been and worrying that we will never get our fingerprints taken and Keira will be stranded in China.

Ten long minutes pass. Nothing behind Window #2. Then, a door on the other side of Window #1 opens. Brunhilda (or her cousin who works for Uncle Sam) stands in the doorway and looks at us curiously. She doesn't say a word, only looks at us. She doesn't cross the threshold but stays on the other side - looking at us.

"Are we supposed to talk to you?" I asked.

"I don't think so," Brunhilda mutters.

"Oh. We were sent up here with this appointment letter to talk to Officer Erfan."

"Let me see your paper."

I hand it to her knowing as soon as she sees our special ticket a smile will shine on her face and she'll invite us come in. Everything will be just fine.

Taking the paper she mutters, "OK, thank you," turns and disappears back into the bowels of bureaucracy, the door firmly shut and locked behind her.

Kelsey and I are left standing in the hollow Room 219, not a soul around, Windows #1 and #2 closed, and without our ticket.

Not knowing whether to laugh or be in shock, we quietly giggled and looked at each other with unbelieving eyes. "Now what?" was all we could ask each other as we sat back down.

Another ten minutes passed and a different woman came out to the large empty room. She bore a look of smug detached control that instantly screamed a sarcastic, "Good luck."

Though she never once introduced herself (control issues), we deduced she must be officer Erfan whom our adoption agency had spoken to. We told her the whole story and she just shook her head and clucked her tongue.

"Why didn't you come in two months ago? I've told your agency that urgent cases can come down in person. You are planning to leave this Saturday? There is no way we can have your prints cleared by then."

All this we knew already. We were there to have the prints done so they would clear in the first few days we are in China and all would be O.K. Even if there was a problem, we had be assured by Xiaoqing that we could have our prints taken at the US Consulate in China as a last option.

Then officer Erfan dropped the big one, "You cannot have your prints taken at the consulate. We have had several couples leave before their prints cleared only to have to fly back to the States to retake them because they were not legible. You are taking a big risk. Are you sure you want to still fly in two days?"

What is wrong with this woman? Of course we are still going in two days; our baby is waiting for us.

"OK, I'll write you a referral to the office on the other side of San Jose where you can have your prints taken. But, you're taking a big chance."

She leaves. "Was that officer Erfan?" "Yeah, it must be."

Enter officer Wu, works for Erfan.

Officer Wu had a different attitude than officer Erfan. Wu genuinely wanted everything to work out. She gave us the appointment sheet so we could have the fingerprints taken that day. When we explained that we were leaving the next day for China she promised to fax me the results to my eFax number so I can know the outcome even in China. She would also mail the results to Kelsey's mom. Finally, the results would automatically be sent electronically to the US consulate in Guangzhou. The only problem would be if the prints were not usable for some reason. Then, we'd have to have them retaken. We asked her about having them taken in China. Contradicting her supervisor, Officer Wu said that it is up to each consulate overseas as to whether they will take fingerprints. There was still a chance.

We went across town to have the prints taken. The computer system makes an initial estimation regarding the quality of the prints as each one was taken. Both Kelsey and I had several prints that the computer identified as marginal. So we are really worried that there will be problems with the prints. Now we head to China and just pray for the best.

Getting Ready to Fly

Guess who weighs the same as Keira? It's nice to have a stunt double to test out the new gear.











We have been scrambling to get ready to travel to China. We've really done nothing to get ready for the trip. Nor have we done anything to prepare her room. This week we've been spending every night at baby stores, grocery stores, book stores, travel gear stores... I think we'll be ready to go.


Here is daddy wondering how on earth are we going to pack all this baby stuff in our suitcases.

What to Expect in China

We met with Xiaoqing today, along with one other adopting couple who will be following in our footsteps later in January. The pupose of the meeting was to tell us what to expect while in China. Here is the basic itinerary:

Sat-Mon 12/16-18: Fly to Guangzhou
Mon 12/18: Arrive in Guangzhou at 8:00 a.m.
Tue 12/19: Receive Keira in the afternoon. We have custody.
Wed 12/20: China adoption paperwork. She's ours!
Thu 12/21: Apply for passport, sightseeing
Fri 12/22: free day
Sat 12/23: free day
Sun 12/24: free day
Mon 12/25: Christmas! free day
Tues 12/26: free day
Wed 12/27: Medical check and take visa photo, get passport in afternoon
Thur 12/28: 10:30 a.m., U.S. Consulate Interview and final approval to enter U.S.
Fri 12/29: Pick up Keira's visa to enter U.S.
Sat 12/30: Fly home. Keira is U.S. citizen upon landing in L.A.

Actually, Xiaoqing told us we'd receive Keira on Monday, 12/18. But she got a scare when the guide service in China (China Women's Travel Service) told her the government registration office flatly refused to give us an apppointment on the 18th. In fact, they said they require 2 weeks notice! They begged and begged and finally they relented and gave us an appointment for Tuesday the 19th. But that puts the schedule in jeopardy. In order to make this timeline work, we have to get an exception to have her medical check-up done before we pick up her passport. We don't know if this will be possible. If not, we may be delayed until January 2 or 3.

Other notes from our meeting with Xiaoqing:

Gifts for people: cosmetics, vitamins (American made), vit. E, multi, ginsing
Give to orphanage director, caregiver, etc.
Guide: tips at the end. Make it about $100 total at end of trip.

Call Credit Card companies – let them know we’re traveling.

Permission to travel letter, pick up at agency; take both (2) original copies to China
Guide will meet us at the airport

Don’t take any long bus rides – train is OK
(crazy reckless drivers)

Can change $300-$500 at the hotel
($1 = 8 RMB)

Get $5000-6000 in really good bills (i.e. new money, sequential)
Call bank in advance, tell they you are coming and what you want

When shopping: haggle, haggle, haggle
Cut the price in at least half

Be prepared for a sick child, they often are

Upper respiratory infection = common; worst case = pneumonia

If child has a major problem (cerebral palsy, down’s, etc.), take to Dr. for evaluation

There is a Dr. at White Swan Hotel, if needed

Take a child’s thermometer

Be aware: They use scalp IV if they need to treat infection; it is not pleasant to see, but it's OK.

Don’t eat anything raw… even a salad in the hotel, don’t eat it.

Do not drink any tap water, anywhere; not even in your 5-star hotel
Don’t even brush your teeth with tap water.
Don’t get water in your mouth when you shower.
Hotel room as hot-pot for heating, boiling water.
Buy bottled water.

Feed baby warm formula; that’s what she is used to.

Chicken, pork, eggs – OK

Don’t eat anything from street stands.

80% of parents get sick

Improve your immune system by not worrying and not stressing-out
Sleep a lot, drink lots of (safe) water

Take along headache medicine

Baby easy to get constipated (from iron in U.S. formula)
gradually change the formula; mix with Chinese formula
Take Gerber rice cereal with you
Bring some Chinese formula home

You will need help the first week you get home;
You are jet lagged; the baby is jet lagged.

Going to China

We had been told that once we received our referral, it would be 7-8 weeks before we travel to China to get her. Well, since the referral was delayed so long our adoption paperwork is about to expire - on Jan. 5th. So, the adoption coordinator and our agency are trying to get us to China and back before the end of the year! Holy Smokes! We might be leaving for China on Dec. 18th.

We are SO not-ready. Haven't bought all the stuff we need to take; haven't painted the baby's room; nor gotten all the furniture and gear we need. We just assumed we'd have nearly two months to do the last minute things.

Oh My Gosh! Just got a call from Kelsey...she was just talking to Xiaoqing...we are picking up the baby on the 18th! Looks like we're leaving for China on 12/16. This is freaking me out in the totally awesome sort of way. Eleven days to parenthood. I'm going to faint.

Pictures of Keira!

Introducing our daugher, Keira.

Talking about how super cute she is and how obviously smart she looks seems redundant.

I'll just let you 'ooohh' and 'aahhh' over her. :-)







Here you go. This is a girl in charge of the situation.

Just what the Lane household needs...another type-A personality.

We are in soooooo much trouble.
The queen's movin' in.






Here is some of the information we have about her from the referral packet.

Born on February 10, 2006, [Keira] has normal physical and mental development. At one to two months old, besides crying, she could also produce other sound from her throat. At three to four months old, she could keep her head steady while being held. She could use both arms and hands to support her upper body when lying down. At five to six months, she could roll over. She could wave her hands in front of her eyes to observe and play. At seven month old, she could use her hands to reach for toys in front of her. She could move around sitting in her walker. At eight months, she could sit on her own and crawl quickly. She is a lively and active precious baby.

Regarding language and emotional development, at two to three months old, [Keira] would make many noises and could look for the source of the sound. At four to five months, she responded to the words of the caregivers. At six to seven months, she became interested in the noises she herself made. She often talked to herself while lying in her crib. At eight months, she often said "Gu Gu Gu", sounding like she was imitating talking. When she sees the caregivers she is familiar with, she usually makes happy sound. She loves it when the caregivers play with her. When she is in a strange environment, she is usually very curious and looks around.

When it rains, it pours

The two week period starting around Tuesday, 11/21/06 must be understood in a "whole-life" context. So far, this blog has focused on adoption activities and events without mentioning other stuff going on. But, as the old saying goes, when it rains it pours. So, to understand the impact of getting our referral for Keira you have to have some idea of what was going on in our lives at the same time.

Tue 11/21/06 Kelsey admitted to Emergency Room for severe abdominal pain. At the ER for over 13 hours. Prognosis - full recovery with strong antibiotics. However, pain persists for two weeks.

Thurs 11/23/06 Thanksgiving dinner for Kelsey consisted of squash soup and mashed potatoes.

Fri 11/24 - 12/1 Canceled vacation to Palm Springs with Bob's parents and sister.

Sun 11/26 Panko (the dog) ate (and ingested) large bits off a plastic bone. Wondered, should we take him to the doggie ER? He threw up the bits a day and a half later. Bob washed off the bits and reconstructed the bone to ensure all the big pieces were accounted for.

Sun 11/26 Xiaoqing (adoption coordinator) called. She expects our referral (child assignment) will be here this week or next. By the way, your fingerprints are already expired. No one told you? Sorry.

Preparing house for Kelsey's annual client party scheduled for 12/2.

Mon 11/27 At BAAS to get updated fingerprint paperwork rolling. It can take 2-3 weeks to get a fingerprint appt.

Tue 11/28 Gardener who committed to plant new flowers for the party backed out at the last minute. Bob planted the flowers Wed, Thurs.

Wed 11/29 Main kitchen sink clogged. Called our regular plumber at 2:30 pm. He told us "I already quit work for the day. I'm in my relaxing clothes, relaxing on the couch." No kidding. Called the expensive guys, who turned out to be worth every penny.

Thur 11/30/2006 REFERRAL IS HERE! Go to the adoption agency and pick up your picture. Oh... and plan on leaving for China in three weeks, before your paperwork expires. And try to get new fingerprints in the next 14 days!

Oct: 15 days, 8/10/05 to 8/25/05

China Center for Adoption Affairs (CCAA) processed 15 days in Oct. (through 8/25/2005). That leaves 24 days until our Log-In-Date of 9/15/2005.
At the current pace they will get to about 9/8/2005 in November. Then, we should be in the December batch.
Referral looking like it will be in Dec; travel in Feb.

8/25/05 to 9/15/05 = 24 days. 24 d / 15 d/mo = 1.6 months
1.6 months from Oct-06 =
mid December, 2006 for referral; travel in Feb 2007

Becoming reality again

When we started the adoption process in January of 2005 we were really pumped up. According to one work style profile we are both "create-execute," meaning we are most energized initiating projects and getting them off the ground. Finishing and maintaining tasks take more energy for us. So, as the adoption process has dragged on toward two years we've taken to monitoring the referral process, but have not been doing much to get ready.

For instance, early on we bought baby furniture and some clothes. We talked about decorating Keira's room. But we never got around to it and now the room has re-exert itself as a storage space. We need to get back into the frame of reference that a baby is actually on her way. There are paint colors to pick, decor to purchase, day-care to arrange. None of that has been on our minds for months. The big difference between pregnancy and adoption is that you don't have the constant daily reminder that a baby is on the way.

Occasionally someone asks about a baby shower. We are really looking forward to having a baby shower. But, since we are not pregnant and it is not physically evident that a baby will be here in a few months it's hard for us or anyone else to think "baby" on a daily basis. No showers are planned yet. I'm sure we'll get that ball rolling soon, as well. It will happen. And, like pregnancy, the baby will be here when she comes, whether we're completely ready or not. In a way, that's great news; no one is waiting for us to be 100% ready.

Sep: 16 days, 7/23/05 to 8/9/05

China Center for Adoption Affairs (CCAA) processed 16 days in Sep. (through 8/9/2005). That leaves 39 days until our Log-In-Date of 9/15/2005.
Referral may be Nov/Dec; travel in Jan/Feb.

8/9/05 to 9/15/05 = 39 days. 39 d / 16 d/mo = 2.4 months
2.4 months from Sep-06 =
mid December for referral; travel in Feb 2007

Aug: 9 days, 7/14/05 to 7/22/05

Little bit slower than last month. Only processed 9 more days.

7/22/05 to 9/15/05 = 55 days. 55 d / 9 d/mo = 6 months
6 months from Aug-06 =
Would mean Feb 2007 for referral, Mar 2007 travel to China :-(

However, based on Xiaoqing's email last month she is still predicting we will get our referral in November.

July: 16 days, 6/29/05 to 7/13/05

Referals have picked up again. They processed 16 days - through 7/13/05.
About the same or slightly faster than last month. We'll see where it goes. At this rate (16 days per month) it will be about 4 months to referral. If it speeds up any more it could be Christmas time!

7/13/05 to 9/15/05 = 64 days. 64 d / 16 d/mo = 4 months
4 months from Jul-06 =
end of Nov for referral, Jan 2007 travel to China

Latest from Xiaoqing
Dear families:
I was in China from July 25th to August 19th and just came back. As for the referral time frame, it is right now still about 12 months. As of end of July, families whose dossiers were logged in before July 13th of last year have got their referrals. Unfortunately, the referral time frame is not going to remain at 12 months but will increase. I visited CCAA end of July together with Andrea and Janet from BAAS and met with one of the directors. We were informed that there are much more applications from adoptive parents than the files of children ready to be matched each month. The imbalance of application and children's files has created a big back log and families will have to wait longer than a year in the future. No body knows how much longer because it all depends on how many children's files CCAA receives from orphanages each month.
The situation will be better only if there is an increase of children's files from orphanages each month. We were reassured by CCAA that the adoption from China will continue and families will get their children when their time is up.
CCAA will give out referral again by the end of August and my guess is that most of the July families will get their referrals if not all of them. At this rate, you probably will get your referrals at the end of November of this year.

Take care and talk to you soon.

Xiaoqing
----------------------------------------------------------
If we got a referral in late November, when do you think we would travel to China?

-Bob
----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Bob:

The travel time is 7 to 8 weeks after you receive your referral, so sometime in January.

Xiaoqing

June: 12 days, 6/16/05 to 6/28/05 - Picking Up Steam

Referals have picked up again. They processed 12 days - through 6/28/05.
This is faster than last month. We'll see where it goes. At this rate (12 days per month) it will be about 6 months to referral. If it speeds up any more it could be Christmas time!

6/28/05 to 9/15/05 = 78 days. 78 d / 12 d/mo = 6.5 months
6.5 months from Jun 2006 =
Dec 2006 for referral, Feb 2007 travel to China

May: 9 days, 6/7/05 to 6/15/05

Latest message from Xiaoqing:

Dear Bob and Kelsey:

Just want to let you know that CCAA has finished the matching of children to families whose dossiers were registered at CCAA on June 15th of 2005. It is slow but it keeps on moving forward.

I will let you know the status for the next month referral.

Please hang in there.

Xiaoqing

This is a bit faster than last month. We'll see where it goes. At this rate (9 days per month) it will be about 9 months to referral.

6/15/05 to 9/15/05 = 91 days. 91 d / 9 d/mo = 10.1 months
10.1 months from May 2006 =
Mar 2007 for referral, May 2007 travel to China

April: 7 days, 5/31 to 6/6/05

Latest message from Xiaoqing:

Dear Bob and Kelsey:

I am sorry to inform you that by the end of this month only those families whose dossiers were registered between May 31st to June 6th are getting their referrals. I am very sorry and heavy-hearted about the slow-down. I don't think the slow-down is within the control of CCAA. It all depends on how many children's files CCAA receives each month from different orphanages and how many dossiers they receive from applicants each month. All we can hope is that in the coming months there will be an increase of children's files available and then the referral will be speed up.

I have seen this kind of slow down a few times in the past ten years.
The longest time our families had to wait, I remember, was 14 months. At one point CCAA had to limit how many dossiers each agencies could submit (a quota system) in order to catch up with the back-log. I just want to let you know that the slow-down like this happened many times in the past and there is hope that things will speed up again. Please hang in there.

Take care,
Xiaoqing

At this rate (6 days per month) it will take 16.67 months to get to our application.

6/6/05 to 9/15/05 = 100 days. 100 d / 6 d/mo = 16.67 months
16.67 months from Apr 2006 =
Aug 2007 for referral, Sep 2007 travel to China

March: 5 days, 5/26 to 5/30...Still More Delay

Latest message from Xiaoqing:

Dear Families:
I have been checking with CCAA about the cut off date and finally got the confirmation that the cut off date of the referrals for this month is May 30th! It is really hard to believe that it took one month to just match five days of logged-in dossiers but unfortunately it is true. I don't really know what to say. My heart goes out to families like you who have been waiting patiently for so long. I wish I could do something to change the reality but there is nothing I can do. We can only hope that in the coming months there are more children's files ready to be matched. I will keep you posted.

Sincerely,
Xiaoqing

What this means is that dossiers with LID of May 30th just received their referrals in March, nearly 10 months later. Best case: for our LID of Sep 14 it means about mid-July 2006 we'd get a referral and travel in late Aug 2006.

Or, another, worse way to look at it:
5/30/05 to 9/15/05 = 107 days. 107 d / 5 d/mo = 21 months
21 months from Mar 2006 =
Dec 2007 for referral, Jan 2008 travel to China :-(

Feb: 13 days, 5/13 to 5/25...More Delay

I just got a call from Xiouqing, the China adoption coordinator at our agency. She tells me that the delay is getting longer. People with their paperwork logged in to China on May 13th, 2005 just got referrals at the beginning of February. And, LID date of May 25th just received referrals yesterday, Feb 28th, 2006. So, that makes it about 9 months from LID. Our LID is Sep 14, making our referral time around end of June; we'd be traveling around the end of July. Of course, the delay could also continue to grow.

Here is what Xiaoqing says...

Dear families:
I am very sorry to inform you that the referrals at the beginning of this month only went through dossiers registered in China between May 13th and May 25th. This is painfully slow. All we can do is waiting patiently and keep faith that things will work out for the best for all of you.

Xiaoqing

Meaning...
5/25/05 to 9/15/05 = 112 days. 112 d / 13 d/mo = 8.6 months
8.6 months from Feb 2006 =
Oct 2006 for referral, Nov 2006 travel to China

We have a name!

While in Florida for Christmas we went to see Pride & Prejudice staring Keira Knightly. After the movie we were all discussing names and everyone loved Keira. So that's it. Keira it is!

Q & A

Grandma-to-be asked some follow up questions after the last update. Others may have similar questions. So, for everyone's benefit here's a quick Q&A. If you have other questions, please email us.

• Does this mean that your daughter will be a little older than you expected when you pick her up (e.g., 18+months); or that they just haven't assigned a child to you (and that she's still likely to be about 10-14 months)?

The latter is the case. It is actually the matching process that is delayed. So, no child has been assigned to us yet, and we expect she will still be about a year old when we pick her up.

• When you do get the "word" how will that occur; will it be by phone or by mail; and does it come directly to you or through your China liaison?

CCAA (China Center for Adoption Affairs) will send our referral, along with others from our agency with a similar LID, to our Agency. The agency will call us to tell us it's in. Then we will drop everything and rush to pick it up at our agency. It will be a little like a pregnant mom saying, "It's time! Let's go!"

• When you get the "referral" is that when you get a photo of her (and an idea of her age); or is it step-wise?

Yeah, we'll get a couple of photos, a brief medical report, her approximate age, and maybe some info about where she was found. To see some referral photos check out the links below. Not all the photos show the best photogenic side. ;-)

http://oneal.redthreadkids.org/photos.htm
http://wyman.redthreadkids.org/wymanphotos.htm
http://barnes.redthreadkids.org/barnesphotos.htm
http://rodin.redthreadkids.org/rodinphotos.htm
http://bertelsen.redthreadkids.org/photos.htm
http://shulin.redthreadkids.org/photos.htm

• What region of China is our granddaughter coming from (I want to look it up)?

Both the orphanages from which our agency is typically assigned children are in Sichuan province. So, we expect her to be a little spicy! Here is a map of China.

Any other questions? Send them over.

Delays :-(

So far, our adoption story has been pretty low-key. No big surprises or glitches. Until now... We've been reading some China-Adoption groups on Yahoo and it seems like the wait time for a referral from China has increased from 6-7 months to 8-12 months.

Here is one of the posts talking about the current delay:

Hello,
I actually spoke to a rep from my agency via e-mail and she said it is looking more towards 8-10 months because of the split months recently as there was not enough "paper ready" children to match the entire month. Because of the two split months and the end of the year it has caused a delay which has in turn caused a ripple effect of slowing things down. She said it will mostly affect those logged in now and is not sure what will happen in the next few months. Has anyone in the group seen this before and if so does it normally catch up??? Of course I am thinking "woe is me" now that we are finally getting logged in the wait goes up. I know that is not fair because it used to be much longer but I guess I am being selfish :)
Thanks,
Danielle

I just spoke to our China liaison and she confirmed that the wait time is up to 8 months. She has people with LID of April still waiting for a referral. So, this means our referral could be anywhere between May and Sep, not March as we had hoped. We are sad, but it gives us more time to prepare and save. For Bob, the biggest impact is our daughter won't come home until after his next birthday milestone in May.

Now we pray that the bird-flu scare doesn't further delay or halt adoptions as the SARS outbreak did a couple of years ago.

The waiting game

It is starting to seem like we're not really adopting. I mean, we spent eight months of intense paperwork and other adoption preparation. And, now we've done nothing for the last two months. It is all in the hands of the Chinese government. If the wait time is indeed 6-7 months, as it has been for recent Chinese adoptions, then we expect to get our "referral" in Feb or March. That means traveling in March or April.

Until then, we still need to figure out what we're doing for day care, pick a name and otherwise get ready. But, since we don't have anymore paperwork and since there is no physical reminder that a baby is on the way, it's hard to remember that she'll be here in about six months!!! YIKES!

Latest on the name game:
We are trying out a different name each week, using it when we think of her, pray for her, talk about her. Last week it was Abby/Abigail. This week it's Jada (or Jayda).

Names again

Current name list:

Audrey	Brianna
Emma/Emmy	April

The things Bob is most stressed about:
1) The name...she really should have a name.
2) Child care. Day care? Home care? Nanny?
3) All the stuff to buy...BUV (baby utility vehicle), car seat, etc.

Things Kelsey is stressed about:
1) Getting the room done
2) The name
3) Finishing projects around the house that will never get done once we have kids.

Stage 2 Complete!

We received our approval from BCIS, the coveted I-171H. We were told 2-4 months processing at BCIS. We sent our package on May 25th and they approved it and sent it back July 6th! We were in Fargo, ND at the time. Since we were not expecting it until we returned to California at the end of July, we didn't even know until Bob got home and got the mail that was on hold.

Anyway, we got it. We sent it to the person who prepares all the docs to send to China, Xiao Qing (pronounced shau ching). She says she will be sending our docs to China in mid-August. (Sent 8/25). Currently, people are saying it's 6 months for the referral and then travel about a month later. That will put us going to China in February.

Application to CIS (formerly INS)

Citizenship and immigration Services now have our package requesting approval to bring a foreign-born child into the United States. This is the second of the three big stages. We requested an appointment to have our fingerprints taken as soon as possible since we are going to be in Fargo, ND for the month of July. They actually got us an appointment for last Saturday, so maybe there are actually hearts pumping within the government machine.

The next step is to wait on CIS to send us the coveted I-171-H document that gives their blessing. Also, we prepare the nine documents that will be sent to China, to the China Center for Adoption Affairs. These all have to be notarized, state certified and authenticated by the local Chinese consulate. (More about that in another entry.)

Application Letter

Birth Certificates

Marriage Certificate

Financial Statement

Employment Verification

Police Clearance letters

Physicals

Homestudy Report

CIS I-171-H

Stage 1 Complete !!

We received approval to adopt notice from our adoption agency today!! Whoooo....hooooo! Start stage 2. We need to send in our agency approval and homestudy docs to the US BCIS (Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services, formerly INS). They say this next phase will take 4 months of waiting. What bureaucratic nightmares await?

Bureaucratic Insanity x 8

The adoption process requires newly obtained copies of Bob's birth certificate from Texas. He actually has the original from 1966, but in this case the original is no good; has to be a new copy from the appropriate state agency. Bureaucratic insanity #1.

We sent in an application for two copies of his birth certificate in January; the very night we decided to "go for it" on the adoption. However, he failed to read the fine print and include copy of his photo ID. Think about it...we are requesting copies of birth certificates by mail. What in the world are they going to do with a photo ID?!! Bureaucratic insanity #2.

It took the Texas agency over two months to realize the photo ID was missing. Bureaucratic insanity #3. On March 17 we received a letter on agency letterhead saying so. Bob sent a copy of his driver's license on 20th of March. No response...for a month.

On April 18 Bob began a futile campaign to contact the processing clerk who had been so kind as to provide her direct line phone number and personal email address. At first we were astonished that these means of direct contact had been provided. After three voice mails and two un-returned emails we realized it was a ruse designed to give a false sense of customer care. We expected no such ability to make direct contact. That would have been bureaucratic insanity. Instead, they took insanity and twisted it by teasing him with means of contact that would receive no response. Let's call this bureaucratic insanity #s 4 & 5 just because of how devious it was.

Then, the story takes a truly elegant turn. On April 28, in a rare moment of creative insight Bob looked at the letter from the agency...looked at the email address of the clerk...looked at the letterhead...noticed the name of the Commissioner of the Texas Department of State Health Services on the letter head...looked at the clerk's email address...noticed the email address was in the format firstname.lastname@dshs.state.tx.us...looked again at the Commissioner's name...got an idea.

Bob wrote one more email, addressed to commisionerfirstname.lastname@dshs.state.tx.us.

"Mr. Sanchez,

I mailed in a request for 2 copies of my Texas birth certificate in January. Your organization received the request on 1/26/05 and gave it the Req. # P131886. However, I failed to include a copy of my photo ID. Two months later, I received a letter indicating that a photo ID was required. I supplied the photo ID within days of receiving the letter on 3/20/05.

I have heard nothing since then. I have left several voice messages for Martha Almendarez (martha.almendarez@dshs.state.tx.us) and sent emails to her, as well. Nothing. It has been almost three months since I sent my request (and payment). My check was cashed in January, but I have not received what I paid for.

I can appreciate that your office is over-worked and under-staffed. But, there is no excuse, in my mind, for ignoring my voice messages and emails.

By the way, because of the delays, this has become urgent for me. We are in the process of adopting a child and a recent copy of my birth certificate is a mandatory document. I appreciate any help you can provide to get the certificates to me. Thanks a lot.

-Bob "

Within an hour he received a voice mail from the commissioner's assistant. "Mr. Lane, we have received your request for a copy of your birth certificate. In March we sent you a request for photo identification. We still have not received that. We need to have a copy of a photo ID in order to process your request." Bureaucratic insanity #6.

In disbelief he made another copy and faxed it to the agency. While at the fax machine another voice mail was received. "Mr. Lane, we have found the photo ID you sent in March. Our apologies. We will mail the birth certificates this afternoon. Sorry for the inconvenience." Should we call this # 7 since they found it so soon after swearing they never got it? Sure. Bureaucratic insanity #7.

Here is the follow up email from the commissioner's assistant:

"Mr. Lane,

This is in response to your email to Dr. Eduardo Sanchez, Commissioner of the Texas Department of State Health Services, regarding your request for copies of your birth certificate.

Our records indicate that a photocopy of your picture id was received by this office in early April, and the two certified copies you requested were issued and mailed on April 29, 2004.

Our policy is to return customer telephone calls and emails within 24 hours of receipt. The Vital Statistics representative assigned to your case has been counseled on the importance of providing quality customer service and adhering to written policy on returning customer telephone calls and/or emails.

We strive to provide all our customers with quality service in the most efficient manner possible and apologize for any inconvenience our delay in servicing your request may have caused you.

Please feel free to contact me if I can be of further assistance."

Nice enough. We are happy that it was finally resolved after clever deduction of one very important email address.

Now, for the final kicker. Despite the fact that the document we received is a birth certificate we have to send it back to Texas so that the Secretary of State can certify that it is a true TX document. Bureaucratic insanity #8.

Stage 1 Almost Done

There are three main stages to this whole process. The first is to complete the Home Study and agency recommendation to be adoptive parents. Second is the CIS (formerly INS) approval to bring a foreign-born child into the country. The final stage is the referral of a child by the Chinese government agency. We have completed Stage 1! Yay. All the agency paperwork is done, our home study visits are complete. We are just awaiting the package from our agency that we will forward to CIS. We should have our docs to them in the next week or so.

Timing. The first stage is the most variable because it is dependent upon so many different people (see all the previous posts). We started in mid-January and it's now late April. So, we did it in about 2 months. I understand that is pretty fast. The next two phases should be about 3-4 months at CIS and around 6 months for China. So, we are thinking our travel date should be in Jan or Feb 2006.

New Names

Nothing is certain in this endevour. Current name list:

Audrey	Brianna	Jasmine	Carly
Dakota	Summer	Emmy	Morgan
Sabrina	Jenna	Marissa	Sierra

More Paperwork

Just when we thought we were doing so good to collect all the paperwork for the adoption agency we now find out there is a whole stack of additional docs the BCIS (former INS) requires. The agency didn't tell us about this set of docs before because they don't want people to focus on the wrong docs early in the processes. The new docs include getting some of the first docs certified by the state and authorized by the Chinese consulate in that state. For instance, Bob has to send his birth certificate back to Texas to be certified by the secretary of state. Then he has to send it to the Chinese consulate in Houston to have them approve the Texas state certification!! Kelsey's birth certificate is more complicated because there is no consulate in North Dakota. Instead, once we receive the N.D. sec. of state seal, we have to have it certified by the U.S. Dept. of State in D.C. then taken to the Chinese embassy in D.C. We also have to write a letter to the government agency in China explaining why we want to adopt one of their children and what our lifestyle is like.

Then, all these docs have to be translated into Chinese!

Name Short Lists

Here are the short lists for Bob and Kelsey. It's pretty likely our daughter will be named from one of these 11 names:

Bob's List	Kelsey's List
April	Brianna
Daisy	Carly
Dakota	Dakota
Emmy	Morgan
Sabrina	Sabrina
Marissa

Are YOU qualified to be a parent?

Adopted children in the U.S. must have the best, most qualified parents of any kids. The tests, questions, scrutiny, background-checks, letters of reference...and all that supposedly ensure we are ready and capable of being great parents. We've had to submit three years tax returns, recent banking statements, get fingerprinted, be subjected to questions about our personal lifestyle, have complete physical exams...we've literally had to give our blood for this child.

It's pretty strange that any jane-and-joe-blow with functioning biological equipment can make a kid...no matter their financial, emotional, physical, ethical situation...without any oversight or intervention by anyone. But, those of us wanting to care for the unwanted children of the world have to "qualify." On the other hand, I wouldn't want jane-and-joe-blow able to adopt, either. So, I guess it's a necessary evil.

Names

In the midst of all the paperwork, we have started thinking about names. We have a long list on the white board in our home-office, complete with current popularity rankings and trending (is the name on the rise or decline). Yes, we are over-achievers. Sheeesh! (If you want to see a cool name web site, check out Name Voyager. Once the applet loads, type in a name to see its popularity over the last 100 years.) One of the challenges for us is to pick a name that we really like and is "hip" but that also will be classy and distinguished for an older woman. Studies have suggested that women with certain "cutesy" or "sexy" names don't do as well in the business world.

Currently on our list:

Olivia	Ginger	Summer	Gabrielle	Reese	Sylvia
Sabrina	Jasmine	Chloe	Carly	Lily	Clara
Briana	Marissa

Any suggestions? Email us.

Home Study Visits

We've had two meetings with the social worker for the Home Study. The first one was Kelsey and me together. Then Bob met with her alone. Kelsey will go next followed by the home visit. At the first meeting Sharon sort of intimidated us. She was all business and didn't try to make us comfortable, nor did she allay any trepidation we may have been feeling. Instead, she scrunched her nose at a couple of answers.

Bob's visit was much better. Sharon just spent an hour running down his life story. Where did you live in grade school?...When did you move to Boston?...Did you play sports?...etc.

Refs, Tests, and Texts

We have received our reference letters from friends! Everyone was so kind and thoughtful. It's a special blessing to us to experience the unusual opportunity to have close friends write down why they think you are so great.

We had our physical exams last week. We are both relatively healthy. Now we have to wait on the blood work and for both doctors to have their reports notarized at the clinic. It seems like it will be a small miracle if that actually happens without any trouble.

Finally, we have been raiding the library for books on adoption. Bob has already read three books and typed up his notes...over achiever. Kelsey has been looking through the baby name books. It's sort of weird, our daughter will have been given a Chinese name. Then, we will arbitrarily change it to a Western name. It starts to get into the thoughts around what it means to adopt a child from another culture. This is what many of the books discuss at length. For a really cool baby name web site check out: Name Voyager. Type in a name and it will chart its popularity over the last 100 years!